Elinischka (dance17t) wrote,
Elinischka
dance17t

FAILURE

I feel incredibly depressed and I am honestly not aware as to the actual reason. I have an exam but I have been laying in bed for two hours and thinking. I don't feel happy right now even though logically there are many reasons why I should feel satisfied. Maybe the emense amount of homework, exams, not going out all weekend, not seeing my family in over a month, possibly losing my job, feeling as if I am a dissapointment on multiple levels. Maybe I need the sun. Maybe I need more security and an actual job. When I am with people, I feel completely fine and happy, my optimistic usual self. But sometimes I dont know if I am acting happy and optimistic because I am or because I feel I have to due to the people around me. I have a headache that is taking over to sections of my face. The last time I felt so negative was this summer. But now I dont have an actual excuse. I will force myself to study now.
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