Elinischka (dance17t) wrote,


I have changed a great deal since last year. I feel a lot more comfortable and satisfied this year in terms of my relationship with my new friendships and my boyfriend. This morning I finally and once again realized that I cannot keep a fake struggling friendship with people who do not respect me, do not care about me unless I drink with them, and remind me of empty glasses with suppressed intellect, thought, ambition, and openness, who continually fill themselves up with the culturally encouraged drink. They think inside the glass, inside their animal needs, egotistically and immaturely. I have attempted to rebuild our friendship after problems last year even though my intuition the whole time has been whispering to me to stop. I hate the idea of cutting people off but with a fast paced life of problems, work, family issues, sleepless nights of studying, and minimal time to eat, there is no time and should not be time in my life for those who use and attempt to control me and bring me down on all levels. I am not an animal. I have more needs than to drink, be promiscuous, eat, and sleep. I desire intellectual stimulation, discovery, true friendship, and everything else that is available to me as a human.

I read something today which made me emotionally nauseous; some people will not accept reality and continue to struggle to hide from the truth. They medicate themselves with pain, low self-esteem, and continue to allow their past to control them, as oppose to living day by day and enjoying everything they have and can have. Why will they not concentrate on the positive, wonderful; their talents, and stop battling against something they will never overcome, because it does not need to be overcome, it cannot be overcome. They need to stop fearing rejection and fearing their past or else it will continue to destroy them. Being fake only hurts to death of soul. Forced laughter will not help your friendships or hide the pain. Its been obvious for years. Good morning. Use the brain.
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