I desire to live in my own oil painted translucent world where I have the choice of seeing the negative gloomy reality. I want to feel the bright warm stars and feel satisfied and completly hopeful. I dont know how much more coldness I can feel. I cant accept any more pure negativity, condescending behavior, and complaining. I want honesty, happiness, and more love. I am very confused right now and I'm babbling, I just feel overwhelmed and depressed. Its really hard when the person you love most is going through emotionally straining and challenging times; it truley affects me. I know I am being vague. I dont have the energy to write anymore. I just got off the phone with my boyfriend and I felt interupted and ignored. Maybe its just me. But maybe its reality. I dont do rollercoasters. I dont do stress. I dont do pain. Or asleast I wish I could avoid those.