Elinischka (dance17t) wrote,

Moving On

So tommorow I'm moving into my boyfriend's parents' house for a week, because of the way my lease worked out. I have very mixed feelings. I hope his parents dont treat me like a little girl. I have grown up very independent and I hate depending on anyone and feeling like a guest at someone's house. I'm just glad that its only a week. Lately for the past week or so, I have had horrid nightmares so I hope this isnt symbolic of something horrible coming up. I feel so tired and I miss my friends so much who are all so far away. I wish I could go back to junior year of high school for a day and act completly careless and do anything I want, as I used to. Right now I want to be in my basement and talking for hours with debbie and eating chocolate dessert and watching movies and having sleep overs. I hate instability and I feel unstable in terms of school work and friendships. I called debbie a few days ago and she didnt pick up. So life is life.
Reflecting on this summer is hard. I acheived being totally independent from my parents, which was a huge challenge for me. I read many books by Vonnegut and other favorite authors...but I didnt paint as much as I should have and I didnt work as much as I should have and I wasnt there for my sister as much as I should have. I love her; its indescribable, but we are extremely different. A door is blocking our true connection and trust. I want her to succeed, to love herself, and mature. She must do this herself and she doesnt want to. She prefers to stay in the hole in which she is emmersed.
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