Even though my boyfriend and some of my friends are here in Boston, I still really miss my friends who are home and my sister and mother. Surprisinlgy I miss my home. I do get satisfaction from being independent and not seeing my dad is well magnificent. But I miss living with people who I am close with. I dont have that here. I'm not close with anyone in the housing in which I live and I have little in common with them. I sometimes feel lonely, much less now than I did in the begining of the summer before I got adjusted.
My sister came to visit me last week. She is begining to mature and we are becoming really close because she is finally opening up to me. I love her so much and I want her to be happy. I wish she was already 18 and could leave the disfunctional hole is which she lives. I want her to be more ambitious and accomplish many things and become confident. She is such a caring and good person. It hurts me so much every time I think about what a negative affect my dad has had on my whole family. I feel so fortunate to have moved away. He is begining to minimally respect me. But I can never respect him as a father because sperm does not make him my father. He doesnt know me at all and he doesnt know my mom even though they have lived together for so long. He hardly notices that my sister is alive. All he does is scream, insult, judge, hurt everyone who he should love, respect, treasure.
I still dont know what I want to do in terms of my major. I am becoming less passionate about art. I want to accomplish so much, but with minimal guidance its a challenge. I want to sit in julia's backyard at night and talk to her for hours while breathing the cool air and then have a dance party and swim in her pool. Then I want to fly to Eastern Europe and walk around and meet people, then I want to fly around anywhere and everywhere. After wards I want to return to the US and do cartwheels along Mass Ave, as Allison and I had planned to after finals. Then I think I will need a nap, after which I will wake up smiling and drink tea. :)